Earl Norem Was Old Then

Earl Norem did his first Savage Sword of Conan cover in 1976 with issue 14. He went on to do 48 covers for that comic up through issue 218 (that's when I stopped counting). The only other artist to even come close to that many covers for SSoC was Joe Jusko (he did 33 in the same run).

Earl Norem was 53 years old when he did his first SSoC cover. I'm 53 RIGHT NOW. I guess the message here is life does not stop until you're dead. So don't buy into any bullshit about being out of touch or too old to do awesome things.

I really only know Norem for his Conan covers, though he was well-established as a respected and popular artist long before then. It's some old school sweaty barbarian and women lying around kind of shit but I'm into that stuff. Like a guy who goes to model airplane shows. He gets a lot of strange looks, but it's fine.

Aside: Here are the top 10 SSoC cover artists from issues 1-218, based only on number of covers they did.

Earl Norem 48

Joe Jusko 33

Bob Larkin 14

Ovi Hondru 13

Joe Chiodo 11

Doug Beekman 9

Boris Vallejo 8

Dorian 7

Michael Golden 7

Nestor Redondo 7

Poor ole Ernie Chan is just out of the top 10 with 6 covers. But he did a TON of comics pages for that book.

File the rest of this post under "was avoiding doing anything useful, distracted by the pretty shiny things".

While we're on the subject, here's a list of all the artists who did SSoC covers up through issue 218. Issue number on left, artist on right.

1 Boris

2 Neal Adams

3 Michael Kaluta

4 Boris

5 Boris

6 Alex Nino & Frank Magsino

7 Boris

8 Frank Brunner & Bob Larkin

9 Boris

10 Boris

11 Ken Barr

12 Boris

13 Richard Hescox

14 Earl Norem

15 Boris

16 Earl Norem

17 Ernie Chan & Earl Norem

18 Dan Adkins

19 Kenneth Morris

20 Earl Norem

21 Earl Norem

22 Val Mayerik

23 Earl Norem

24 Earl Norem

25 Steve Gan & Dino Castrillo

26 Jim Starlin

27 Bob Larkin

28 Earl Norem

29 Ernie Chan

30 Frank Brunner

31 Howard Chaykin

32 Val Mayerik

33 Earl Norem

34 Ernie Chan

35 Ernie Chan

36 Earl Norem

37 Earl Norem

38 Earl Norem

39 Earl Norem

40 John Buscema

41 Earl Norem

42 Bob Larkin

43 Bob Larkin

44 Bob Larkin

45 Nestor Redondo

46 Earl Norem

47 Earl Norem

48 Nestor Redondo

49 Nestor Redondo

50 Nestor Redondo

51 Earl Norem

52 Nestor Redondo

53 Earl Norem

54 Earl Norem

55 Earl Norem

56 Nestor Redondo

57 Nestor Redondo

58 Earl Norem

59 Clyde Caldwell

60 Earl Norem

61 Joe Chiodo

62 David Mattingly

63 Joe Jusko

64 Joe Jusko

65 Joe Chiodo

66 Joe Chiodo

67 Romas Kukalis

68 Joe Jusko

69 Joe Jusko

70 Earl Norem

71 Joe Chiodo

72 Joe Jusko

73 Joe Chiodo

74 Joe Jusko

75 Earl Norem

76 Joe Chiodo

77 Joe Jusko

78 Earl Norem

79 Joe Chiodo

80 Earl Norem

81 Joe Chiodo

82 Bob Larkin

83 Jeff Easley

84 Joe Chiodo

85 Joe Chiodo

86 Earl Norem

87 John Pound

88 Steve Hickman

89 Bob Larkin

90 Earl Norem

91 Michael Kaluta

92 Bob Larkin

93 Michael Kaluta

94 Val Mayerik

95 Earl Norem

96 Joe Jusko

97 Gaetano Liberatore

98 Michael Golden

99 Joe Jusko

100 Joe Jusko

101 Michael Golden

102 Bill Sienkiewicz

103 Bob Larkin

104 Joe Jusko

105 Michael Golden

106 Michael Golden

107 Earl Norem

108 Joe Jusko

109 Steve Hickman

110 Earl Norem

111 Steve Hickman

112 Joe Jusko

113 Earl Norem

114 Steve Hickman

115 Joe Jusko

116 Bill Sienkiewicz

117 Michael Golden

118 Joe Jusko

119 Ernie Chan

120 Bob Larkin

121 Joe Jusko

122 Ernie Chan

123 Ernie Chan

124 Michael Golden

125 Thomas Kidd

126 Doug Beekman

127 Peter Manko

128 David Mattingly

129 Doug Beekman

130 Joe Jusko

131 Joe Jusko

132 Joe Jusko

133 Doug Beekman

134 Joe Jusko

135 Doug Beekman

136 Doug Beekman

137 Bob Larkin

138 Joe Jusko

139 Joe Jusko

140 Joe Jusko

141 Bob Larkin

142 Joe Jusko

143 Joe Jusko

144 Joe Jusko

145 Roger Stine

146 Daniel Horne

147 Joe Jusko

148 Doug Beekman

149 Doug Beekman

150 Michael Golden

151 Earl Norem

152 Doug Beekman

153 Earl Norem

154 Joe Jusko

155 Dorian

156 Joe Jusko

157 Dorian

158 OVI

159 Joe Jusko

160 Dorian

161 OVI

162 Dorian

163 Mark Caparosa

164 Earl Norem

165 Dorian

166 Earl Norem

167 Earl Norem

168 Earl Norem

169 OVI

170 Joe Jusko

171 Earl Norem

172 OVI

173 Nick Jainschigg

174 Earl Norem

175 Dorian

176 Earl Norem

177 OVI

178 Joe Chiodo

179 Earl Norem

180 OVI

181 Dorian

182 OVI

183 Doug Beekman

184 Lou Harrison

185 OVI

186 Lou Harrison

187 OVI

188 Earl Norem

189 OVI

190 Earl Norem

191 Joe Jusko

192 Bob Larkin

193 Earl Norem

194 Earl Norem

195 OVI

196 Earl Norem

197 OVI

198 Bob Larkin

199 OVI

200 Joe Jusko

201 Vince Evans

202 Earl Norem

203 Vince Evans

204 Alan Rabinowitz

205 John Watkiss

206 Bob Larkin

207 Michael Kaluta

208 George Pratt

209 John Watkiss

210 Vince Evans

211 George Pratt

212 Julie Bell

213 Jim Hoston

214 Julie Bell

215 Tim Conrad

216 Toni Taylor

217 Tim Conrad

218 Earl Norem

And here's how many covers each of these artists did for the comic. Name on left, number of covers on the right.

Alan Rabinowitz 1

Alex Nino & Frank Magsino 1

Bill Sienkiewicz 2

Bob Larkin 14

Bob Larkin & Frank Brunner 1

Boris Vallejo 8

Clyde Caldwell 1

Dan Adkins 1

Daniel Horne 1

David Mattingly 2

Dino Castrillo & Steve Gan 1

Dorian 7

Doug Beekman 9

Earl Norem 48

Earl Norem & Ernie Chan 1

Ernie Chan 6

Frank Brunner 1

Gaetano Liberatore 1

George Pratt 2

Howard Chaykin 1

Jeff Easley 1

Jim Hoston 1

Jim Starlin 1

Joe Chiodo 11

Joe Jusko 33

John Buscema 1

John Pound 1

John Watkiss 2

Julie Bell 2

Ken Barr 1

Kenneth Morris 1

Lou Harrison 2

Mark Caparosa 1

Michael Golden 7

Michael Kaluta 4

Neal Adams 1

Nestor Redondo 7

Nick Jainschigg 1

OVI 13

Peter Manko 1

Richard Hescox 1

Roger Stine 1

Romas Kukalis 1

Steve Hickman 4

Thomas Kidd 1

Tim Conrad 2

Toni Taylor 1

Val Mayerik 3

Vince Evans 3

My RPG Folder is a Mole Rat and It Is Naked

A continuation of the fine, fine tradition of randomly opening PDFs in my massive library of RPG PDFs and dashing out my off-the-cuff first impressions. I do this every so often, such as here, here, here, and maybe even here. And other places too.

Today's method: Open the folder marked "new", close eyes, click on something.

The first random file I opened is a Modiphius 2d20 book called Shadow of the Sorcerer.

Even though I actually own physical copies of the first six Conan books in this series, I'm not terribly familiar with it. I don't know the system at all. But it's a BIG DENSE MEATY looking game and I'm intimidated.

Even though there's at least one Simon Bisley cover on this series, the thing overall just isn't barbaric enough for my blood. It looks too much like a vanilla D&D 4e or 5e fantasy game. I want blood, dammit! This feels slightly softened for some reason.

Next up... this looks positively fantastic. I think I probably made a post about this when I first picked it up, maybe on FB or something. Anyway, the design is like an old comic book, which I truly appreciate. The fact that the art and layout is attributed to "R. Dumb" is delicious.

Call of Cthulhu Cosmically Horrific Comix #1 "Sermon of Sludge" is an adventure scenario for use with the classic Call of Cthulhu horror RPG. Like most CoC books, this one richly outlines a situation and presents environs and characters to interact with, all leading to some nasty outcomes. In this case, a comet set to deliver some nasty stuff.

The book has a lot of pre-generated characters, plenty of maps and other handouts, and lots of fun cool art.

Definitely worth having, just to look at if nothing else.

Goose-Gold & Goblins by Patrick Stewart is in my folder. I don't remember ever seeing this or downloading it or anything. But here it is. I opened it and the first pages are just plain text. Most of this is just plain text, I think. Sans the image I posted above. Starts off by letting us know the design goals:

A game you can play across generations.

Violence as a last resort

Challenge matters, threats are real

If in doubt, do it like BX

Use oral culture techniques

Avoid 3rd person, try to use ‘I’ and ‘We’

Geese are treasure

No weapons

Courtesy instead of Charisma

XP for Friends and Food

Pretty good list. Let's you know up front what you are NOT getting into. This will not be a game of dungeon-crawling and monster-slaying. This will be a fairytale type of game, possibly kid-friendly, definitely violence-averse. Cool.

So basically this is a game with a very specific setup. You and all the other players are from the same village or family and your mom is sick. Also, the goose is missing. This is bad because geese are super important and valuable. You must help your mom and get that goose back!

And if you resort to violence anywhere near a goose you're in big trouble because those bastards have a demonic berserker rage mode.

Interesting game concept. I don't know if Patrick developed it beyond this "proto-design" doc from 2020. Here's a blog post he made about it.

Oldskull Game Epansions I: Character Creation by Kent David Kelly is a big fat book of character creation optional rules, tables, and clarifications of existing rules for Old School Essentials, or really any B/X style game. It's got lots of ability score rolling methods, exceptional ability score rules, tables for appearance, alignment and deities, personality, skills, etc. The list goes on.

The book looks fine. It might suffer a little from over-production, IMHO. It has a slight tinge of that early desktop publishing era mania where you felt like you had to use all the buttons on the program. But maybe that's unfair of me. It does not have a garish watermark and the font is easy to read. So I'll back off that a bit. It looks fine. I just don't like the header and footer very much. Something about them is too busy for what the book is and is trying to do.

It has a lot of art, which seems to be a mix of public domain and clip art. And it's all good stuff. I think this is a nice little resource to have in your back pocket if you're gonna run some straight-up D&D type shit.

The Savage Sword Situation

Oh woe is me! I cannot seem to remember exactly which issue of Savage Sword of Conan was my first. This important blog post will seek to correct this pivotal injustice. I shall dive deep and figure this shit out. You are invited to join, or welcomed to run away. Your choice.

There are a few distinct memories I have of acquiring and reading SSOC. I’m going to sketch out the main ones, then I’ll try to analyze them based on the release date of those specific issues and where I was at in my life at that time.

1. Joe’s Underboob (issue #104, Sept 1984)

As mentioned in this salacious post on my scantily-clad alternative blog, I was quite fixated on the cover art for this issue. In fact, this art adorns the wall to my left even as I type these words right now in 2023. To be honest, I don't even remember what was inside this one. To be even more honest, there's probably only one issue of SSOC that I do remember inside and out. The stories tended to blur together, didn't they? Conan would be cast into some situation with some thugs and damsels, cut a bunch of bastards in half, roll in the hay with a hottie, and maybe slay a demon. That's what we bought the book for.

But I do remember this cover. Joe Jusko was at the height of his powers with this one. And I'm not even a huge Jusko fanboy or anything. My connection to him is merely through his SSOC covers, with this one being the standout. In a lot of his paintings I just see Vallejo-style gym shorts dudes with oiled pecks.

2. The Mill (issue #105, Oct 1984)

I think this is a fucking great issue. It kicks off with an epic Michael Golden cover that actually depicts what is happening inside the comic. Now, I don't think this is necessary, mind you. I'm a fan of zines and comics with cover art that just does whatever the hell it wants. But in this case the cover really does tell you what the story is about.

I actually studied this cover art quite a bit. I eyeballed it in detail, looking at how Golden drew buckles and how he angled the weapons to avoid boring front-on shots. And his crazy colors!

Then we get the story The Mill, written by Don Krarr, pencilled by Gary Kwapisz, and inked by Bob Camp. Kwapisz had already contributed a number of pinups to the comic and would go on to do a lot more feature stories. He was at his peak when I was an avid SSOC reader.

The Mill is a very simple story. It features no sorcery, no magic, no kings, no monsters. It is about a group of cold, hungry soldiers who come upon a grain mill and crash it to feed their bellies and get warm. Conan, their leader, forces the owner of the mill to comply but promises no harm will come to him or his family. Naturally, Conan's men are too base and lecherous to keep that promise and so he has to kill them. ALL OF THEM. And it is glorious, bloody, epic storytelling with a gritty ending to boot.

This is #98, not #102.

3. Jabba the What the Fuck Bill Sienkiewisz? (issue #102, July 1984)

See, this is the twist. I'm listing these issues in my memory order. But clearly my memory is fucked because this issue predates the other two. I distinctly remember picking up #104 and it felt like my first. But I 100% for certain also owned #102 because every single page of it hits my memory receptors like a tidal wave. Especially the letters page... which shows the phenomenal art from the cover of issue #98... which I NEVER OWNED. I remember bemoaning the fact that I got in after that issue.

Of course the cover pictured here is #98. The actual #102 cover is by Bill Sienkiewisz, which is cool... but it ain't no Jabba-slaying Conan.

4. For shits, let's look at #103 and maybe #101

So which of these was actually my first SSOC? Maybe it will help me narrow this down if I look at a few peripheral issues.

First up, #101. Hard nope. I have absolutely no memory of this one. If I dig out my Conan books, long isolated in my storage shed and probably suffering as a result, I will not find this one. It has a dope Michael Golden cover though, with some beefy warriors on a boat and a witch.

And HOLY FUCK it has an aboslutely SICK Armando Gil frontpiece! Check this out:

So what about #103? Nope. I don't recognize that Bob Larkin cover and I don't remember any tigers with stars on their heads. Also, and this might sound incredibly juvenile to you, but I would probably remember the naked woman on page one of the story. I was a teenager.

Umm... #106? For damn sure, no. I never even laid eyes on that Michael Golden cover.

Rudy Nebres brings the heat.

#107 does get me back into familiar territory with its Earl Norem Viking cover and a villain who looks like Warduke. I had this issue for sure. I also had #108, #109... yeah. So it was with issue #107 that I fell into the lucky habit of picking up every issue every month.

5. What are we to make of this?

Ok. As far as I can recall, I didn't know anyone who collected or bought or read SSOC. I discovered it quite by accident at a convenience store. It must have been in in July, 1984, that I made the initial discovery. Two months later I found another, and followed up on it one month later. Then I missed a bit and finally settled into the routine of buying them monthly in December, 1984.

In the summer of 1984 I was 13 years old and I was in 7th grade. This was when my family finally stopped moving around all the time. We settled into a single location where we lived until I graduated from high school. This is why I was able to start picking up comics on a monthly basis. I was getting SSOC and Amazing Spider-Man.

Ok. I think my work here is done. I now have a Savage Sword timeline I can refer to next time I can't remember. This was fun.

Nature of the Barbarian

"Conan is the damnedest bastard"

I stumbled upon something buried deep in my file folders, lost and forgotten. Perhaps for good reason. Who knows?

This is a link to a file on Drive. It is a file created in Mod Plug Tracker, I believe. It's a music file. You can play it in WinAmp, for example.

It's a mix of Vincent D'Onofrio talking about Conan the Barbarian from the movie The Whole Wide World with some ambient drums and sounds I mixed in.

The file extension is ".it", which I think was for some tracker software from the early 2000s. I have no idea if the tracking scene is still a thing or not. I got into it in 2000ish and made a dozen or so tracks. This one and another called Mandarin Slice were my crown jewels, such as they are. I can't locate Mandarin so it is probably lost to the void. Possibly for the better.

More Conan

Speaking of Conan, I had a thought while thinking.

Here's my Conan: He is a muscled man, beardless and tan. He is fair and respects his word. He will treat with you with respect as long as you honor your own word. He will gut you otherwise and not lose a wink of sleep. He loves the ladies and the wine and the adventure. Every day is a new day that should lead to some cash, which leads to some wine and women. Conan doesn't wear a lot of armor and doesn't indulge in speeches.

My Conan is based mostly on Savage Sword comics and the 1982 movie with a smattering of Robert E. Howard. This is my Conan.

People will argue that this is not an accurate portrait of the Cimmerian. Only the image of Conan presented in REH's writings are true, everything else is false. And I get it. If you want to be an originalist to the works of a dead man, I get it.

But let's be honest. REH wrote maybe 21 Conan stories, and most of them are really cool. But since his death there have been many more stories written, many novels, some movies, cartoons, RPGs, and a metric FUCKTON of comic books. One could inundate oneself with Conan material and be a Conan fanatic without ever reading Robert E. Howard.

This is upsetting to originalists, but it's the god damn truth. If you spent your youth reading Conan comics and never read a single Howard story you are still a Conan fan and you still have Conan in your blood, by Crom. Don't let the dogs tell you otherwise!

But of course by all means you should read Howard. Most of those stories are pretty good shit. The longer ones are not my cup of tea, but worth a look.

The Cimmerian

The Cimmerian knows.

In recent times I listened to an excellent audiobook compilation of all the Weird Tales Conan stories. Even though Conan looms large in my mind as an early influencing force, I really only read maybe 3 or 4 legit REH Conan tales when I was younger. I'm a damn weirdo and I just didn't read heavily past age 16. Between 14 and 16 I had a book in my hand all the time. After 16 or 17 I wanted to get kissed and drive around listening to metal. No time for books unless they were comics or RPGs.

So I listened to them all. And they were good, mostly. I am not a fan of the longer ones, though. Conan, for me, is about short tales. In and out, like a yard of Hyrkanian steel.

I decided to draw this portrait after I doodled this on top of my water bottle at work.

Red Sonja

I post most of my pinup art over at Blood Red Pinups. But that one exists so I can be unfiltered and post nudes if I want. I also post pinup art here sometimes as long as it would be fitting to hang in your church.

Thus: Red Sonja!

Funny thing about this character is I have no real understanding of her history. Since I haven't read every Robert E. Howard story (shameful), I always assumed the character was in some Conan pieces I hadn't encountered yet. But actually she was almost entirely invented for Marvel Comics during Roy Thomas' legendary run on the Conan comic. There was a Howard story about a character named Red Sonja but it's utterly unrelated to the Conan saga and is actually set in historical Vienna.

Most of the recurring female characters of modern Conan stories are based on characters who appeared in maybe one or two of Howard's yarns. Belit and Valeria are famous examples, with Red Sonja being closely tied to Conan only through the comics.

Very interesting, don't you agree?

Conan and the Low Level PCs

For fun. I sketched this and started inking it while playing D&D the other night. Added the figures last as I wasn't sure WHO was gonna be on the stairs. I couldn't decide between a part of D&D noobs or Conan. So why not both?

I believe this will be the centerpiece of Black Pudding #7 with the stats for the helligators given in that white space above the carnage.

Artist: Michael Golden 3

But hey in this post I didn't include the very cover image that introduced me to Michael Golden. Behold the glory of Savage Sword of Conan #105. This was one of the first issues I bought off the shelf. And man o man do I love this issue. It's a simple story about Conan seeking refuge and food in a random windmill and having to kill every last motherfucker he brought with him to sustain his god damn honor. Fuck yes, Conan. Fuck yes.

Conan 2d20

I own several of the Modiphius Conan 2d20 game books. I'm not even sure which ones... like 8 of them though. I have never read them, nor played them. I picked them up because the covers looked sweet and I figured with that much content they're bound to be useful. Also I'm a big Conan fan.

But I don't know. Them's some big ass books. My RPG aesthetic is simpler. I like games that I can hold in one hand. Of course I won't write these off until I know more about them. I did watch a few video reviews and based on what I'm seeing I would say that I might enjoy playing but would not enjoy running this game.

One thing I noticed was they had a Doom pool - which is a resource the GM can use to make things harder for the PCs. I have used similar rules before. I remember drafting a game called Black Wing back in the early 2000s and that game had Doom that served a similar purpose, if I recall. Also my draft of Sand in the Bone features a very similar mechanic. So it's nice to see I'm not alone in thinking this is a cool idea.

Will I ever learn this game and run it or play it? Almost zero chance. But I like that it exists. It looks pretty.

The Smell of Tavern Wenches

The smell of old comics!

I haven't read this entire issue of Conan. In fact, I'm a Savage Sword man so I pretty much turned my nose up at the color Conan comics. Those were for kids! They were rated PG.

It's funny though. Here Conan is in a bar being hit on by a hottie that "works here". They do everything they can to skirt around the fact that she's a prostitute and that they are going to get it on. Instead, they go somewhere to "talk". lol

Whose idea was it to make Conan fit into a line of books sold to kids anyway? I mean... I'm not complaining. Some nice covers came out of it. And probably some cool stories too. I wouldn't know. I was busy reading Savage Sword of Conan where there was boobs and shit.

Michael Golden

Michael Golden! I first ran across his work probably via Micronauts, though in those days as a wee lad I didn't pay much attention to who was doing what. The first time I recognized his work (as in, knowing his name) was his Savage Sword of Conan covers, which I loved. Soon after, there was the absolutely badass reboot of Savage Tales featuring his work. Boom!

I always put Golden in a category with Richard Corben. They had some similarities in how they drew figures that resonated with me. There's something about the way Golden creates shapes that I am drawn to. His work is detailed and crunchy but also has an element of cartooning and exaggeration that isn't quite as excessive as what would come later with Image Comics.

Arzra

Back in the early 2000s I was doing more comics. I had this comic going for a few months (doing 1 page a week) that was about a gender-shifting catperson named Arzra (spelled backwards: Arzra). I really fell in love with this character. The whole gender-shifter concept, for me, was a direct inspiration from Tanith Lee's Death's Master. Lee's Flat Earth books are foundational to my inner fantasy worldview. I place them squarely in the sword-and-sorcery category alongside Robert E. Howard's Conan.

Anyway, Arzra was a gender-shifting catperson version of Conan. I wrote the character as a wanderer, getting into adventures, with a strong sense of savage honor. At this time in my life I was a pretty rabid individualist in my philosophy. I would have called myself "libertarian" at the time, though the term for me had a different meaning than what we think of today (I always picture cowboy hat-wearing rednecks with guns screaming about free speech today). For me, this was about opposing authoritarian moral police.

Arzra was meant to be a vehicle for me to tell exciting fantasy stories that could be sexy and philosophical at the same time. I have several scripts lying around and they generally involve the character wandering into a weird place and encountering a weird entity, usually with some kind of dialog exchanged that cuts to the bone of how I felt about religion and morality. Arzra wasn't inclined to take a knee before authority and he had no interest in being responsible for anyone other than himself. She was a barbarian, after all, albeit with a sharp mind. She could slice you open as easily with her words as with her sword.

The art to the left was part of the comic, which was done with brush markers, colored pencils, and Prismacolor markers on bristol. I believe the pages were something like 14x14 inches. It was a lot of fun to do, but the amount of labor that went into each page was a bit much for me to sustain over time. And these were totally rated R pages with lots of nudity, making it a bit awkward to share later on Facebook and the like.

I did a bunch of drawings of this character for the period of a year or so and I really hoped I could turn it into a "regular" comic book series. Alas, doing anything "regular" just doesn't seem to be in my DNA. The only reason Black Pudding has persisted (yes I'm still working on #6!) is because it has very few constraints. I allow myself to wander and do whatever I like, within the domain of old school D&D style gaming. If I tried to make each issue themed or have an ongoing comic in it I'd probably flounder and sputter out. Much love to creators who can crank out issue after issue of comic book series over time. Salute!

Revisiting the Chainmail Chick

Joe Jusko killed this one.

C. September 1984. A young me, approximately 14 years old, depending on exactly what day of the month it is*, picks up Savage Sword of Conan #104. I'm all-in on the Joe Jusko cover. There's ice and snow, muscles, a ninja**, and a redhead with underboob. What's not to love?

I remember that day. I picked up the issue at a local convenience store and it was the second or third time I did it. I am pretty sure the first SSOC I bought off the shelf was #103, which remains to this day one of my favorite single comic book issues of all time. That issue is what made me fall in love with Conan the barbarian. Well, y'know, after the movie anyway. I would be a religious consumer of SSOC for at least the next 2 years. The names Ernie Chan, Joe Jusko, Gary Kwapisz, and Tony Salmons would be etched into my developing brain, ensuring my lifelong love of sword and sorcery and muscled barbarian fantasy.

Boobs optional, but appreciated.


That's right. I said it. I might be a woke lefty with no tolerance for right wing fascist pricks, but I like a good exploitative pin-up barbarian chainmail chick now and then. And go fuck yourself if you find that troubling***. Wokescold somebody else.

Anyway.

I drew this years ago. I like it a lot for some reason.

I've been thinking about chainmail chicks lately. Check out Black Pudding for my take on an old school character class emulating what I love about this motif.

So what makes this motif compelling? Some elements are just god damned obvious, base, and probably rooted in my I-Am-A-Man existence. They're sexy as hell. They're tough, bombastic, and bodacious. I want to be a chainmail chick, motherfuckers. You heard me right. I don't want to nail one, I want to become one.

To be tough as nails, able to gut a man in a single blow, and still look damn fine? Hells yeah. The problem is there isn't enough variety on the meme. We need more fat chainmail chicks, black chicks, buck-tooth chicks, bald chicks, etc. Because fuck your beauty standards, you reactionary prick****.

So in Black Pudding #1 I had the Chianmail Chick character class for B/X style OSR gaming. I remember creating that class and thinking "I really need a male matching mate". So I also created the Sinewy Barbarian. Those two classes were my approximations of Conan and Red Sonja, from the comics, in RPG format.

It's kind of a crass move to counter a busty character class with a beefcake. I know that. I'm not arguing that I did things correctly. I never claimed to be correct about these things, just honest. I wanted to present something I loved. And I didn't just include the Sinewy Barbarian because #equality. I did it because I have a tremendous love for the archetype that Conan represents. I am a man, after all, and the idea of a strong man facing a hideous and dangerous world appeals to the reptilian part of my brain in a big way. It's why I watched Conan the Barbarian, Beastmaster, and The Road Warrior every chance I could when I was a teen. It's the same reason Big Trouble in Little China remains in my top 5 favorite movies of all time. Again, I might be a woke SJW, but I'm also a pulp-inspired aficionado of all things pin-up and two-fisted action. It's in my blood.

PITT brush pens, Prismacolor markers.

Ok... so considering the dynamics at the gaming table, how feasible is it to have chainmail chicks? Well... it kinda depends. I can see a shitty situation where a reactionary prick includes them at his table and amps up the misogyny. This is not good. It's uncomfortable and harmful. But I ran several games in which people were playing Chainmail Chicks from Black Pudding and having a great time of it. There was no sexism or misogyny. We were having a grand old time.

I guess this is one of those things. Like... if you're putting something out there that pricks might use in a negative way, then what is your responsibility to help keep that from happening? I am not sure. I feel like the intent of the work is inherent in the presentation. If I'm a prick for creating the Chainmail Chick then the work itself will reflect as much. But if I'm not being a prick then the Chainmail Chick, particularly when considered alongside the other content of Black Pudding, should not feel misogynistic.

I feel like it's all OK. And many women have told me me how much they love my representation of women in my art, even when I'm doing the sexy pin-up thing. I fully understand how dangerous that is... that not every woman is going to react the same way. I get that. But I can't tailor my art to suit all the outliers and all the feels. I just do what I do and I try to do it responsibly. I really really try.

Holy shit this post is going long and I've had more than a few glasses of sangria. Enuff is enuff.

*My birthday is at the end of Sept.

**I don't care if that guy is supposed to be a ninja or not. Is it supposed to be a Black Dragon, such as those seen in King Conan comics? I don't know. Looks like a fantasy ninja to me and my 14-yo brain read it that way.

***I'm not sure how to elaborate on this. I recognize and accept that misogyny is a huge fucking problem but I do not accept that sexy images of women is the root of that problem. Or even a significant element of it. Now, I do believe that exclusionary sexy images are a problem. For example, if all the pin-up women are skinny bitches that's not fucking cool at all. People come in all types, so let's not be dicks about it.

****Oh, hey, let me clarify something. Everyone who has followed my creative journey for any significant time (may the gods bless you) knows that I like to draw fat girls. But I am not a discriminatory connoisseur of the pin-up. I like all shapes and sizes. I can be just as enamored of a skinny waif as a fat broad (holy shit I don't mean that in a negative way... "broad" is such a fucking nasty term, isn't it?). What I mean to say is that beauty is not defined by size or shape. Beauty is largely subjective and a person's beauty in the eyes of a beholder is a package deal. Or something. I'm a dude here. I'm trying real hard to express a positive message and I'm probably not cut out to do it. Please move along, nothing to see here.

This has been a drunk post. You are welcome.

Kanebok, the City of Dead Wizards

Following up on this post, here is the original blurb about the cit of Kanebok, the setting of Dead Wizards. I wrote this blurb several years ago and it is presented here mostly as it was, unedited. This will not be the final introductory prose but very close to it as I am keen on keeping this vision as pure as possible. Comments follow the blurb... imagine it being read aloud by Mako Iwamatsu.

KANEBOK

From the cataclysms of wizard wars crawled Kanebok, the City of the Exalted Prince. It squats on the edge of a cliff over which spills the dark waters of the River Uth. It is flanked by a desert and perilous badlands. Many old roads converge at its gates and queer vessels from queer lands arrive on the waters.

The Moyirs run the city. Dozens of them compete with one another, cunning and dangerous, backstabbing and plotting, always looking for the angle that will put them in the Mojab’s favor… for the Mojab is the boss of the Moyirs and the de facto ruler of the city. From his Marble Tower of Time he rides a resplendent palanquin of gold and jewels carried by sinewy slaves. The Mojab is the mouthpiece of the Exalted Prince, who is himself a child of the gods. All must answer to the whims and decrees of the immortal Exalted Prince, Supreme Ruler of all the Land, high in his Palace of Glass. Though he is rarely seen, his merest gaze can strike a man dead and his desires are law. On the rare occasion the Exalted Prince enters the city streets he is carried in a glowing howdah on the back of an immense three-headed elephant called Gaj’Uth. A brigade of his arcane guards go before him to clear the path, crushing those who refuse to move and demolishing structures so that not even mighty Gaj’Uth is made to touch the dirty city and its dirty people.

They say to be crushed by the feet of that great beast is to ascend immediately to heaven and be done with this life.

Few are willing to risk it.

You have come by fortune or fate to the city gates, their grisly faces grinning as you enter. Inside are streets of dirt and stone, malodorous, cacophonous… at once a nightmare and a dream. The city is never asleep. It is never still. They say the foolish or brave can find paradise here, if they aren’t swallowed up first.

This is going to be an interesting night, at the very least.

/end blurb

So yeah. Kanebok is meant to be "exotic". I am aware that my whiteness and Westerness means that I am coming from a very particular perspective and that many or most people in the world will have different perspectives on what that means. It's the curse of being human.

Anyway, while not being a direct representation of any culture, this setting is inspired by Arabian Nights types of fantasies, Hollywood-filtered Egyptian fantasy, and various African and East Asian images and ideas I have sponged up over the years. It's a melting post of this stuff... along with a lot of Western baggage, of course. It's the kind of shit a pulp hack writer would slam into their typewriter.

Speaking of which... in my head, Kanebok is the hub for a series of pulp adventures. Each gaming group is like a hack writer crafting their yarns in a shared universe... not unlike the way many authors contributed to the shared universes of Thieves' World or the Cthulhu Mythos. I was chanelling a lot of The Black Company, Conan the Barbarian, and Tales From the Flat Earth when I came up with the idea. I'm not trying to pave new terrain, just running on a feeling here. I hope the end result is something evocative and deliciously pulpy... warts and all. We'll see.

More on the setting and system later.

If I Want Cheesecake I'll Buy Cheesecake

Often wondered how they got there. And why.

Ah, the scantily clad femme fatale of fantasy. Long have I viewed and dreamed of her. I fondly remember being an adolescent boy and picking up the Savage Sword of Conan each month from a local mini mart shelf. I grabbed issue #104 and spent far too long looking at the delicious Joe Jusko cover, complete with redhead chick dangling from Conan's sword belt showing all kinds of underboob.

Sexist? Oh yeah, no doubt about it. Conan stories in general are sexist as fuck. If you don't believe me, try reading Howard. Check out The Jewels of Gwahlur and note how many times the damsel breaks down in tears or faints. It's classic 1930s hard man storytelling.

Anyhow... I appreciate a good chainmail bikini. There's a rich aesthetic to it... a kind of metal-and-flesh eroticism that stirs the imagination (and loins, natch). You can do it right. You can do it without being toxic. I have preached about this before. A chainmail bikini image does not a misogynist make. Having your female characters constantly faint and cry... well, that's a different story.

So for me it's really a matter of honesty. Own what you are doing. Don't give me 60 pages of tits and ass and market it as a serious adventure story. It isn't. It's a tits and ass story. Own it.

Erotic, chainmail chick, pinup, R-rated... whatever you want to call it. Just eat the god damned cheesecake and stop calling it caviar. And if you want to do a story that is taken seriously, you need to cut way the fuck back on the cheesecake.

She can get cut and scratched, but she's gonna kick your ass.